Filed under: My Explanations, Random Thoughts, Writing | Tags: away, black, black on white, blank, blog, call, can't, cement, change, changed, changing, come, defeat, defeated, empty, evening, fall, falling, feet, felt, fingers, flutter, fluttered, fluttering, graffitti, hand, hard, inspiration, inspired, intimidate, intimidating, intimidation, jump, jumping, lack, leave, light, little, loom, looming, metaphor, metaphorical, mind, miserable, mouse, music, nothing, ominous, pliable, pointless, presence, rambling, red, red "X", refuse, refused, refusing, right, run, screen, shadow, shadowy, somehow, sometimes, space, stand, stop, tag, the wall, time, tonight, turn, turn away, twisted, type, typing, unmarked, unwelcome, unwelcoming, upper, voice, wall, white, whiteness, word, words, Writing, x
Sometimes when I see this blog form and it’s so empty, so white and unmarked, I am inspired. I can’t stop myself from jumping in with both feet and just letting my mind and my typing fingers run on.
Other times, I can’t stand the intimidating whiteness, hard and unwelcoming. A cement wall, refusing words. I can’t even graffiti black on white, type on screen. Nothing will come to my mind and I’ll turn away from this little blog, defeated.
Tonight, I felt the ominous presence of blank space looming at me in the shadowy light of falling evening. My mouse fluttered near the little red “X” in the upper right hand of my screen.
Then, somehow, I changed my mind. I didn’t leave, miserable with my own lack of voice. I just turned up the music and twisted the cement into something more pliable. Words, inspiration, whatever you want to call it.
This might be a completely pointless, rambling, metaphorical exercise, but chipping away at that forbidding white cement barricade gives me some satisfaction tonight.
I wrote for over an hour earlier, on my story. That might be entirely a waste of time, but it’s good for my mind and it keeps me writing. I can put down some of my imagination in a format where maybe, someday, someone else will derive enjoyment from it. If I could do that for the rest of my life, I might. There’s just so much I could do, I think.
It’s a lot to handle when I have to start looking at colleges. If I wasn’t such a lazy bum enjoying her summer (despite driver’s ed daily), I would get right on that, haha. Then again, I have dial-up here, still, so college research is awfully slow.
Nonetheless, I’ll be chipping away at that wall shortly. Obstacle by obstacle, I’m going to figure it out. Just like this blog, tonight. I guess the best way to gain satisfaction from something is to remove the mouse from that little red “X”, and break out the sledgehammer. Start knocking down what stands in the way of inspiration.
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Kick Drum Heart 