Filed under: My Day, My Explanations, Random Thoughts | Tags: aunt tari, bob, brandon, death, erin, football, gowanda, lena, life, marbles, marya, players, scared, skittles
Skittles are like marbles. They come in different colors and they’re round and can trip you if you slip on them. (I wouldn’t advise eating marbles, though.)
I feel like I slipped and skidded on skittles or marbles and have fallen flat on my back. 
It’s been a while since I’ve thought about Daniel.
No, I didn’t know him personally. I feel like I need that as a disclaimer whenever I write about him. Or talk about him. But he’s affected me, so deeply it’s almost eerie.
We went to Eden today to watch our Gowanda boys get their asses handed to them in football.
As soon as our players were announced, they started on Eden’s.
“Number Three… Brandon Dix!”
And my mom looked at me and said something muffled that sounded a little watery. She didn’t repeat it. But she said at halftime she’d go try and find Tari.
It just– I don’t know what “it just.” It’s absolutely heartwrenching and migraine-inducing to think about losing a child, but it happens all the time. According to my mom, Tari’s not doing so great. And who would be?
I was thinking today as we drove back from Fredonia that if a car swerved and hit and killed us, we’d be dead. Michelle wouldn’t have us anymore. Dad wouldn’t get fed. Grandma would be shattered.
And our lives would be over. I wouldn’t have done anything I wanted to do yet.
It makes my poor little sunburned head feel like exploding, just thinking about this. But it’s true: life could vanish in the snap of a finger, the blast of a gun. The turn of a moment. Like how it vanished for Daniel.
Everyone’s scared of death, in some way, shape or form. I guess I’m no exception.
Filed under: Dreams, Events, music, My Day, My Explanations | Tags: accomplished, afternoon, alive, ass, audition, bad, because, blessed, blog, broken, call, cheerleader, cheerleads, choir, chorus, conference, conference all state, conversation, creative writing, dammit, damper, day, days, dedication, difficult, each minute, ecstatic, eight, emma, enthusiasm, every time, everyone, excited, exhausted, exist, experience, feel, five, football, for sure, franklinville, game, good, great, guitar hero aerosmith, hard, hard work, heather, heather holden, here i come, high school, hopefully, hour, hours, indication, jcc, kiener, last first, lerew, life, live, long, magnificent, mail, material, measure, michelle, moment, moving, mr. lerew, mrs. ripley, musetta's waltz, night, nothing, nyssma, offer, one, one hundred, passion, practice, productive, proud, puccini, quando m'en vo, quench, ready, ripley, school, senior year, service, singing, some, sop 1, soprano one, system, texted, thirst, tired, today, tomorrow, tonight, vehicle, voice, watch out, whammy, why?, women's choir, working, world
It’s been a long day, even though I don’t know why, really. I beat Guitar Hero Aerosmith on Hard, so I felt accomplished.
The broken whammy bar started working after what might be considered one of the most magnificent hours of my life.
Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail. Within those papers, I was informed that I’ve been accepted into the Conference All-State Women’s Choir.
Soprano One, son.
I texted Emma.
Emma and Kiener called me. Emma told me she was calling Lerew.
I called Mrs. Ripley. Mrs. Ripley was ecstatic. Mrs. Ripley says she’s going to tell everyone she knows.
I texted Heather. By then it was eight at night and I was on the way to Franklinville for my sister’s football game (she cheerleads) and I didn’t want to hold conversation across spotty service areas in a moving vehicle. Hopefully she’ll call me back when it’s good for her, and if I don’t hear from her by tomorrow afternoon, I’m calling for sure. I’m so excited.
Nothing could put a damper on that news, except I’m tired. I’m just downright exhausted, so my enthusiasm is going to be shelved until tomorrow. I’ll siphon it back into my system then and do something really productive. Earlier today I decorated and established my JCC and creative writing binders, and got the rest of my materials ready and in my bag for school. As of tonight, there are only five more full days before my last first day of high school.
I just want to live it. I feel like I say this every time I blog, but dammit, I want to feel and exist in every single moment I’m blessed with. I want to feel alive, I want to experience everything good this world has to offer. And some of the bad, because otherwise there’s nothing to measure the great against.
If today was any indication of where hard work and practice and dedication and passion can get me, though, I don’t think I’ll have too difficult a time living each minute of my senior year. I worked my ass off for that one hundred on the audition paper. Puccini might have been proud of me, even.
So. Conference All State, here I come. And everything else. Watch out. I have a craving, a burning thirst for life. I plan to quench it.
Kick Drum Heart 