Filed under: My Explanations, Random Thoughts, Ranting, Writing | Tags: appearance, beautiful, body, boys, brunette, capable, cares, confine, creatures, depths, desperation, discovering, dripping, efficient, emotion, essentially, expressive, family, feet, flash, flawed, flawless, form, four, gilded, girl, head, headache, humanity, inner, intimidating, irony, jaded, lies, life, limits, living, look, love, me, mentally, more, nails, now, perfect, physically, secrets, shallow, stereotype, still, story, superficial, superficiality, tall, things, thinking, thought, thoughts, time, tits, unique, vampires, want, Writing, you tell me.
It seems to me that I want too many things.
I was just wishing I was four feet tall, brunette, with big tits and a tiny, compact body. Oh, and don’t forget the expensive, perfect clothing that all comes from brand name stores.
I thought about it some more and decided that it was a silly impulse, but it bears more weight than that. It leaves it’s consequence in my idle musings, because it is that sort of thought that makes me question who I am.
Would more boys like me, if I looked like that?
Would I still be me, in another’s form?
Would I still be as capable, as intimidating and efficient, as expressive?
Or would I be confined to the limits of that (I’m assuming) shallow and superficial girl?
I could be stereotyping, but a girl who cares more about getting her nails done than she does her future, or her family, or her own private and personal ambitions might be considered shallow.
It just produces thinking. Sure, my head hurts now, but it forces me to explore the depths of my own superficiality.
My story holds some of that flashy, appearance-driven appeal. I’ve been working and thinking about that quite a bit lately, so naturally my thoughts now are twining around it.
My story involves some beautiful, unique creatures. Their very existence is jaded and corrupt, though, even if their outward glamor is flawless.
Maybe that’s the irony of it, I’m discovering. Okay, so humanity is flawed physically, mentally, emotionally and essentially. And these creatures only have a type of eating disorder (yes, fine, they suck blood for a living, don’t judge me) and some deep moral decision-making to do. But perhaps that’s the intriguing part of it: with so much going for them, what’s to lose?
That’s right, their souls. They’re assumed to be already lost.
So what’s more valuable? A life of love and value, flawed and mortal and unattractive, but well-lived? Or one without finality, an endless stretch, where the appearance is gilded and gorgeous but the inner sanctums of which are dripping with secrets, lies, and desperation?
You tell me.
Filed under: Random Thoughts | Tags: appearance, awesome, ball, black, comfort, comfort zone, dancing, dark, dress, excited, game plan, heels, homecoming, katie trank, kick-ass, kickass, look, match, me, nothing, ooh, opportunities, opportunity, pumped, pumps, red, sexy, shoes, stilettos, underwear, unknown, wait, waiting, winter, winter ball
I can’t wait.
I now have a kickass red and black dress to go with my kickass red shoes. I am pumped.
I am pumped for this dance (Winter Ball) and the opportunies for fun it’s providing. After homecoming, everyone (okay, Katie and I) werre like, “Ooh, we want another dance! I want to keep dancing !”
Now we can.
No reservations, is my game plan. It’s dark in there, so everyone’s comfort zones are more level, and I could, essentially, walk up to someone completely unknown and be like “dance with me.”
I might just do that.
Nothing stands in my way.
I am going to be wearing red.
My shoes, dress, underwear–
All are going to match.
And I am going to look kickass.
I can’t wait.
Kick Drum Heart 