Filed under: My Day, Random Thoughts, Ranting | Tags: accomplish, asylum, back to school, beginning, big nurse, birthday, blur, boobs, by, caitlin, catch, counterproductive, difference, direction, doing, don't, done, downside, downstairs, dream, dumb, excited, flew, fog, forty, friend, give up, giving up, gowanda high school, green, guess, happen, hospital, hours, in between, jennifer grogan, john grogan, last night, life, life flew by, lists, live, love, marley & me, marley and me, medical, mess, mistake, mistakes, morning, my room, need, next thing you know, not going to happen, notion, november, november 9, occurred, one flew over the cuckoo's nest, only, only one, papers, productive, reading cards, ready, school, september, sifting, smidgeon, start, talked, the dream, the end, time, today, twenty, two, two hours, unproductive, vanished, want, wanting, waste, what if?, what the hell?, what-ifs, woke up
I woke up this morning wanting to make lists, wanting to start school, and wanting to get things done. It then occurred to me that I will be completely counterproductive if I have all these grand plans to make things happen but no notion or direction toward how to actually accomplish them.
So today I guess I’ll be sifting through the papers downstairs. I am going to try and finish my reading cards– although I’m not sure how happy I’ll be re-submerging myself in the hazy medical green fog of lobotomies and Big-boobed Nurse. I might try making lists: what I need for school, what I have for school, what I need to do in order to be ready for school, what I should be doing so I don’t suck when I go back to school.
I’m a smidgeon excited.
Here’s the downside, the only one that I can see.
I had a dream last night that life flew by.
I woke up and discovered what the hell, that’s not a dream, really.
In my dream, I texted Caitlin in September, and the next thing I knew, it was her birthday in November. And I hadn’t talked to her in all the time in between. Dumb.
Not going to happen, either.
It reminded me of “Marley & Me.” The dream did: where at the beginning John and Jenny are twenty-ish and by the end they’re in their forties. All that time vanished in the span of two hours. Not even.
What if that happens to me? Life rocketing by so fast that all I catch of it is a blur? What if I waste it? What if I mess it up? What if I can’t fix my mistakes, or leave a friend when they need me, or end up giving up something I love without knowing it?
What if I don’t live life, and never even know the difference?
Kick Drum Heart 