Filed under: My Day | Tags: angry, attitude, ball, bandanna, best, blizzard, bum, can't, cheerful, cheery, Christmas, comfortable, complain, day, december, doldrum, doldrums, friday, frustration, fun, home, hope, inside, issue, issues, madre, miserable, mom, monday, mother, no, no more fun, not anymore, past tense, pissy, pointless, ruin, ruined, ruining, ruins, sad, saturday, screw that, shit, shitty, sit, six-thirty, snow, snowday, snowy, stupid, thursday, tired, two, was, week, weekend, winter, winter ball, worst
The first thing I thought when I woke up this morning was: “It’s six-thirty. Oh, no.”
The first thing I said when I woke up this morning was, “No… shit.”
Today was going to be the best day of the week. Monday through Thursday sucked, but today was going to be a riot. Or, at least, I was going to be comfortable and cheerful because today was Tye-Dye day and I was going to wear a bandanna.
Tomorrow was the Winter Ball, and I was going to look amazing and have a good time.
Well Merry Christmas, obviously I can’t have it all. What a weekend this was going to be. And in comparison to what it is now, I can say with all pessimism, what a weekend this is going to be. The doldrums inside and a blizzard out. What fun.
And since my mom is home and somewhat pissy, I can’t even complain out loud. Well, guess what? I don’t want to sound “full of myself” (which is her most recent issue when it comes to my attitude), but I hope they know what they’re doing. If I don’t see snow by two this afternoon, I am going to be very, very angry.
This ruins my entire weekend. My family isn’t the kind where I can just make plans spur-of-the-moment. And if I hadn’t spent money and thoughts on it, I wouldn’t care so damn much.
However, my week has been shitty as it is. I’ve been exhausted and short-tempered and frustrated. I was counting on this weekend to be an anti-stress time. Just fun.
Well, screw that man, we got gypped, and now I can sit at home like a bum and do whatever my mother tells me to.
I will sit down and try to finish crocheting, and I can guarantee you within five to ten minutes I’ll hear a, “Hey, why don’t you unload the dishwasher. Come help me fold clothes. Your room is a mess. This house is a goddamn pigsty and not one of you care about it but me.”
Yeaaaah.
Happy weekend.
Filed under: Random Thoughts | Tags: bum, Christmas, game, geek, hockey, intense, interest, loooooove, love, music, musical, opera, passionate, phantom, phantom of the opera, playlist, sabres, sentence, television, tv
I wish I could. Turn my music up.. the Sabres game is on, and normally I’d be watching that, but I need something a little more stimularing right now, and this is it. :/ Used to be, I could plop right down and stare at the hockey game and never lose interest.
Actually, in all honesty, I probably could still do that. But I’m a little stressy, and would be very fidgety if I sat down and just watched TV. Since we got our new TV (a Christmas present from my parents to the four of us who live here), it literally has only been shut off when no one’s home. I haven’t been here by myself at all this week, otherwise it would most DEFINITELY be off. If it weren’t for hockey and the news, I wouldn’t even want a TV. That is not to say that I dislike watching television– I just feel like a lazy bum when I do for “fun”… as in, when I’m not watching it with my friends or what have you. I have so much other stuff I could/should be doing that watching TV really doesn’t really appeal to me.
Oooh, Phantom of the Opera is playing now– I have iTunes on shuffle. I would kill to do that musical next year– it would be soooo difficult, but the music is so intense and passionate… I would loooove it.
Ha, there were a lot of ooooo’s in that sentence. : )
Hang on:
“…. The phaaaantom of the opera is theeeere…. inside my mind…”
Oh God, I freakin’ love it.
Ooooh. : D
I can’t help it. I am a music geek… for all things musical, not just classical and musical songs, everything. I just haven’t been exposed to enough diverse music yet, so I can’t explore the “rocking out” avenue. Haha, me, rocking out? You betcha. I can sing some fierce Pat Benatar and Heart… I just haven’t heard ENOUGH songs… I would love to get my hands on as much music as I can. And listen to it, then play/sing it. If I could do that for the rest of my life– just that– I would, in a heartbeat.
So I’m gonna turn my music up, hockey or no hockey. <3
Filed under: Ranting | Tags: better, bum, busy, cheerful, cocoa, cranky, crap, crappy, debbie, downer, fake, finally, friday, harsh, laugh, laughing, laughter, lazy, long, miserable, monday, oedipus, pathetic, sad, sunday, tired, unhappy, Writing
What a week.
I’m glad it’s just about over. For me, weeks always start on Mondays. Sometimes Sunday feels like a new and fresh day, like it’s not connected, but Monday is the day when everything– routines, actions, classes– will begin anew.
But Friday is the last day of class, of routine, and the weekend might be busy, but it’s less rigidly structured, and a little more spontaneous.
So I’m glad the week’s finally over. The week of maintaining appearances, keeping cheerful… I realized this week that I laugh often, but rarely because something’s actually funny. I’m laughing because either everyone else is, or it’s habit, or it’s been something I made myself do on so many occasions that now I just automatically churn out a ha-ha-ha whenever something mildly humorous occurs. I felt a little ashamed of myself when I stumbled upon this… realization? Revelation? Whatever. But I felt sad that society, or myself, has/have ingrained such an unusual habit into my brain. Laughter should be unrestrained, spur-of-the-moment, beautiful in its unrefined release. It’s human, it’s cheerful, it’s positive. It’s supposed to be good for you, which is why, I suppose, I hadn’t realized I wasn’t finding much funny until this late in the year– I’d been feeling so good because of the positive hormones I’d been releasing when I’d choke out a chuckle. Or something like that.
It just makes me miserable, to think that maybe I haven’t been having such a good time as I’d supposed. Maybe I’m really NOT happy.
But now I really am feeling a little genuine mirth, because I know that THAT idea is just bullshit on my part. Of course I’m happy. I’m just in a negative mood… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I could whine and list off a variety of unpleasant things that have happened to me this week, but I doubt it would make me feel any better. They’re petty, lame things that have consistently worn down at my good mood until I ended up scraping along the bottom of the pit of cheerfulness. I hope something’s going to come along to lift me up soon; being positive requires a lot of energy.
I’m going to think when I laugh from now on, though. I don’t want to be a debbie downer, I want all of my friends to feel good, too… I’ve noticed that when others laugh you feel more like laughing? Maybe I’ve been trying to be that first giggle, to make everyone else want to laugh as well. I don’t know.
I’m exhausted, and I’ve had some long days. Aside from having a lame morning, I’ve been less social than I should have been, as well. And I’ve gone along more with the crowd than with myself, and what I want to do. I’m going to try to fix that. I’ll pull a Jane Eyre and listen to myself rather than follow the restrictions of society or the opinions or feelings of those I love. I don’t like being so crazy-dependent on what other people think.
So there was my vent/rant for the evening… I feel a lot better after getting it all down. I’ve been stressing and not getting much done, and then feeling really shitty about myself because I was being such a slacker. And a conformist. Ew.
Well, on that lovely note, I am going to bed. I have to be at Chelsea’s by nine tomorrow for the Oedipus party.
Until later. Hopefully.
Kick Drum Heart 