Kick Drum Heart


Remember

I just got done with a pretty gay myspace survey; but it started out talking about 2008. I got a little sentimental thinking back on the year, which encompassed everything from the shitty times last winter with issues and miscommunication to the shitty times this spring and summer with some more issues and my inability to communicate altogether. But it also covered the kickass summer with Caitlin, Michelle, and bonfires and the blanket game to this school year, my best yet– with friends and Aida and mudslides and hot tubs and sledding and friends and photo shoots.

I want 2009 to be a continuation of the time from July  to December.

I want fun with friends and family. I want the bond with my sister to strengthen and expand. I want another mudslide ;) I want to be able to play some ferocious xylophone and bust out the Puccini like nobody’s business. I want to have so much excitement and happiness that I feel like I’m going to start glowing with optimism. I want to work my butt off and be motivated and feel like a success as a person.

I want 2009 to be the best year of my life so far.

I’m going to remember 2008: there were a lot of hard-learned lessons that I need to keep with me. But I want to be able to put the crap that accompanied those lessons behind me and move forward as my own independent person. And I will, despite it all. Shboom shboom, son.



Another snow day

I feel a little like writing. Maybe not just the blog today; mayve I’ll pick up a pen or a story outline and set to. Who knows?

Anything’s possible today, though… we have a snow day.

Ha, don’t think I haven’t noticed my own change in attitude toward the days off. Friday was shitty; today is marvelous.

It’s exceptionally marvelous because I mayormaynothave lost my National Honor Society folder and binder, and my voice lesson materials… they are definitely floating around here somewhere, but in all of my hectic cleaning haze, I must have misplaced them.

You know what’s excellent? I have all day to find them. I looked for them last night amidst a cloud of panic, then finally resorted to sleeping and hoping their location would come to me in a dream or hallucination or something. As it is, I did have a restless night, which is why I was up so early today, but I still have no freakin’ clue where my missing materials might be. I am cheerfully planning to conduct a large-scale search for them…. later.

I think it was the addition to something fun to my schedule that put me in a good mood. All last week it was “go, go, go”– and I honestly felt like I was the hamster in the little wheel: trying to go but simply turning round and round in the same exact place. I didn’t think I was trying hard enough, but the more I tried to push myself to get things done, the more frustrated and exhausted and befuddled I became.

But then I cleaned the house, and spent some time chilling (literally) with friends, and voila. Good mood is back again. Maybe that’s key– the friends and fun thing. If it is, though, then why am I constantly being reminded, no fun until the work is done?

Oh, well. I’m happy this morning, and once I find my runaway papers, I’ll be happy tomorrow morning, too. So bring on the snow days, I’m ready for anything.



Snow dance

The first thing I thought when I woke up this morning was: “It’s six-thirty. Oh, no.”

The first thing I said when I woke up this morning was, “No… shit.”

Today was going to be the best day of the week. Monday through Thursday sucked, but today was going to be a riot. Or, at least, I was going to be comfortable and cheerful because today was Tye-Dye day and I was going to wear a bandanna.

Tomorrow was the Winter Ball, and I was going to look amazing and have a good time.

Well Merry Christmas, obviously I can’t have it all. What a weekend this was going to be. And in comparison to what it is now, I can say with all pessimism, what a weekend this is going to be. The doldrums inside and a blizzard out. What fun.

And since my mom is home and somewhat pissy, I can’t even complain out loud. Well, guess what? I don’t want to sound “full of myself” (which is her most recent issue when it comes to my attitude), but I hope they know what they’re doing. If I don’t see snow by two this afternoon, I am going to be very, very angry.

This ruins my entire weekend. My family isn’t the kind where I can just make plans spur-of-the-moment. And if I hadn’t spent money and thoughts on it, I wouldn’t care so damn much.

However, my week has been shitty as it is. I’ve been exhausted and short-tempered and frustrated. I was counting on this weekend to be an anti-stress time. Just fun.

Well, screw that man, we got gypped, and now I can sit at home like a bum and do whatever my mother tells me to. 

I will sit down and try to finish crocheting, and I can guarantee you within five to ten minutes I’ll hear a, “Hey, why don’t you unload the dishwasher. Come help me fold clothes. Your room is a mess. This house is a goddamn  pigsty and not one of you care about it but me.”

Yeaaaah.

Happy weekend.