Filed under: Writing | Tags: award, band, band room, chamber choir, choir, class night, class of 2010, damn, fried, ghs, gowanda, gowanda high school, italian, jazz band, jill fried, kick-ass, love, marching band, marimba, music, music department, opera, percussion, petty, recognition, respect, scholarship, shit, sing, singing, song, songs, tomorrow, voice, wind ensemble, xylophone
So, must be I need to practice some more. At class night tonight, the United States Marines could recognize me publically for my musical accomplishments, but not my own band or choir directors.
Not that I’m complaining. I guess I should practice once in a while.
It's not as if I play this constantly, or anything
It’s not as if I don’t constantly, oh, I don’t know, live in the band room or anything.
But no. Okay, that’s totally fine. I don’t need anything from an institution that I love, that has taught me so much, if it’s going to be given grudgingly. Truthfully, I don’t need anything from Jill Fried, either. Or any member of the music department.
I know that I want to perform, teach, and breathe music. I am completely aware of this fact. And given that I have already taken and am currently taking huge steps to ensure that that’s what I’ll do, I don’t really give a damn.
And you know, it just gives me more incentive to go and kick ass in the music world. Just like Fredonia denying me: it’s an even more powerful motivator to try and learn and listen and do all that I can to be the musician I know I am capable of being.
And it might be really petty of me, but it gives me more incentive to practice tomorrow. And hope that my fricking marimba/Italian will reach the ears of those so-called “teachers” and shove the fact that I love it and will succeed at it down their throats.
Filed under: My Day, My Explanations, Random Thoughts, Writing | Tags: already, anna netrebko, bag, beginning, beverage, big things, bob marley, brendan, cappuccino, clique, clique-y, cobble, cozy, critical, deep, deep thinking, devil's spawn, docile, don't care, don't know, downstairs, drama camp, eight, eight days, emma, end, excuses, first day, floodwater, friend, girl, God, grab, hard time, head, headache, hopefully, hot beverage, hurt, i don't know what i'm talking about, kids, kim, lay low, life, little sister, love, man, materialism, maybe, meeting, melodic line, michelle, more stress, mrs. ripley, music, my room, old story, opera, Opera Freak, organize, outfit, pound, practice, relaxing, ripley, room, scare, school, shit, sing, sister, sister's friend, story snippets, stress, talk, Tara, techniques, the avett brothers, The Flood, thinks, troposphere, vocal performance, vocal technique, voice, wal-mart, Writing, yeah
I don’t know what I want to write about. I don’t know what I want to do right now. I don’t know what I want to do with my life.
Well crap, talking to Brendan always makes me think about the big things. God and life, love, materialism and all of those… big things. Deep thinking. Like floodwater deep (and that’s pretty deep, kids).
Oh man, does my head hurt. It’s just beginning to start to pound. My sister has a friend over, so it’s not like I can go in my room and sing to music. Or even practice and try to talk myself out of the headache. Nope, I have to be a docile little girl and not scare the shit out of Tara with melodic lines warbling through the troposphere.
I think I might grab some cappuccino (we went to Wal-Mart today) and head downstairs anyway, turn on some Avett Brothers or Anna Netrebko or maybe Bob Marley. I don’t care about what my sister’s friend thinks about me, that’s not why I’m not going to practice. I do care that my vocal techniques might make Tara’s somewhat critical and clique-y attitude whip toward my sister. They already call me the Opera Freak… therefore I won’t make Michelle pull more excuses out of the air about me. I think she already has enough of a hard time, because so many people that know me end up meeting her. She came home from Drama Camp one day and told me I was the Devil’s spawn. Ripley called her Kim. Emma called her Kim. Everyone else called her Kim’s little sister, except for like, Colleen. I think it gets a little old after a while.
So I won’t put any more stress on her. I’ll lay low and put together my bag for school (eight days!). I might cobble together a “first day” outfit. Drink some caffeinated beverage, and organize some old story snippets.
Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. It’ll be a cozy, hopefully relaxing end to the day. Maybe.
Filed under: Writing | Tags: :), belting, can't, decent, details, figure, flutter, good moon, happy, hopefully, hour and a half, improperly, insignificant, internalize, irksome, join, letter, life, little, lots, michael, opera, others, peaceful, possibilities, postcard, singing, six, small, stop, stop thinking, stressful, tell, think, three, three minutes, time, what if i never find out?, what-ifs, whirring, woods, worse, Writing
Today was a day of thinking. I got a postcard from Michael! So I went to the woods and sat and wrote him a six-page letter that took me an hour and a half and three minutes. While writing, my mind was whirring with possibilities. What can I tell Michael?
Lots, it turns out :)
As I wrote, I also thought about the little, stressful details twining around my days lately. Just small things that grate away at my good mood until I can’t do anything but dwell on them. I told Michael some of my problems, and I internalized the others. I’ll get rid of them by singing, either opera or belting it out improperly.
It’s just irksome to know that after such a decent stretch of time feeling peaceful and happy, I find myself stressing over insignificant things.
And then come the what-ifs that flutter in to join the other stuff.
But the way I figure, I can spend my whole life thinking, “What if it’s this? What if it’s that?”
Well what if I never find out? That would be worse, I would think.
So hopefully over the next few days I’ll stop thinking so much again. I’ll stop fretting. Hopefully.
Filed under: Random Thoughts | Tags: bum, Christmas, game, geek, hockey, intense, interest, loooooove, love, music, musical, opera, passionate, phantom, phantom of the opera, playlist, sabres, sentence, television, tv
I wish I could. Turn my music up.. the Sabres game is on, and normally I’d be watching that, but I need something a little more stimularing right now, and this is it. :/ Used to be, I could plop right down and stare at the hockey game and never lose interest.
Actually, in all honesty, I probably could still do that. But I’m a little stressy, and would be very fidgety if I sat down and just watched TV. Since we got our new TV (a Christmas present from my parents to the four of us who live here), it literally has only been shut off when no one’s home. I haven’t been here by myself at all this week, otherwise it would most DEFINITELY be off. If it weren’t for hockey and the news, I wouldn’t even want a TV. That is not to say that I dislike watching television– I just feel like a lazy bum when I do for “fun”… as in, when I’m not watching it with my friends or what have you. I have so much other stuff I could/should be doing that watching TV really doesn’t really appeal to me.
Oooh, Phantom of the Opera is playing now– I have iTunes on shuffle. I would kill to do that musical next year– it would be soooo difficult, but the music is so intense and passionate… I would loooove it.
Ha, there were a lot of ooooo’s in that sentence. : )
Hang on:
“…. The phaaaantom of the opera is theeeere…. inside my mind…”
Oh God, I freakin’ love it.
Ooooh. : D
I can’t help it. I am a music geek… for all things musical, not just classical and musical songs, everything. I just haven’t been exposed to enough diverse music yet, so I can’t explore the “rocking out” avenue. Haha, me, rocking out? You betcha. I can sing some fierce Pat Benatar and Heart… I just haven’t heard ENOUGH songs… I would love to get my hands on as much music as I can. And listen to it, then play/sing it. If I could do that for the rest of my life– just that– I would, in a heartbeat.
So I’m gonna turn my music up, hockey or no hockey. <3
Kick Drum Heart 