Filed under: Dreams, My Day, My Explanations, Random Thoughts, Writing | Tags: 2:08, basketball, blog, bus, done, fantastic, go, ha, home, house, laze, leg, lines, mrs. propp, nothing, Olympia, play, purple, realize, rehearsal, salad, seat, shoelaces, shot, sit, tonight, twelve, two oh eight, yearbook, yellow
So, I got on the bus today. Right at two oh eight. And upon sitting down in a seat, I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could get done at home. I’d be lazing around the house for four hours, accomplishing nothing. And eating.
So, I stood back up and walked off the bus. And back into school.
So, here I am, seated at Mrs. Propp’s computer, blogging and yearbooking and thinking about food.
I really want an Olympia salad. That would be fantastic.
Anyway. There’s a basketball game tonight, at home. I really want to go, but I have play rehearsal.
Come on, it’s not like I do anything at play, anyway. Until I know all of my (twelve) lines, there’s not really much I can do but observe where I move. And how to jump when my leg gets shot. Ha.
I’d need blue clothes, anyway. Maybe my mother will come to the game and bring me some. And some of Olympia’s salad.
On another note, I got a hug today. I passed this kid that I think I like walking in the hallway during twelfth. He said, “Hey, you,” and I honestly almost turned around to see who he was talking to. But it was me, ha ha. So I gave him a hug and he mumbled at me politely and then we went our separate ways.
I think I make him nervous. I know I make him awkward.
Whatever, though. I’d like a guy I can talk to about anything, who argues with me, and who knows when and what I’m feeling. I’d like a guy who doesn’t expect me to be experienced in everything sexual. I’d like a guy who can text me and have more to talk to me about than sex.
But for now, well. I guess I’ll settle with the one I have in mind now. The one with silly shoelaces and flippy hair who I never see to talk to. The one everyone says is so sweet. The one that doesn’t make any sense for me to be crushing on.
Yep, I think I’ll stick with him, regardless of the senselessness. As Katie is fond of quoting, “It’s not the years in your life, but the life in your years.” And my years have been pathetically lacking in life lately.
Filed under: Events | Tags: afterparty, annoyed, bet, chill, college, cool, coronation, Dreams, explanation, fantastic, five, friends, fun, funkytown, gay, homecoming, ignore, kevin brown, letdown, nice, party, shut up, stupid, timmy ho's, unnecesssary, wasn't, well..., why?
I hate feeling like I need to act a certain way around someone just because others expect me to act that way.
If I want to hug someone, I’m going to go hug them. If I want to push someone into another person so they’ll dance together, I’ll do it (even if that attempt was unsuccessful). : )
And if I want to ignore someone, I’m damn well going to.
I am, by no means, required to acknowledge anyone. If I wanted to act like a jerk, I could treat everyone like they were below me. I could patronize my friends and act like a pompous asshole.
I could if I wanted to, but I don’t. I generally like people. I mean, if someone treats me rudely, I’ll ignore them, because it would appear to me as if they don’t care. If they don’t care, I usually don’t, either. But I’ve learned to expect anything from anyone, because you never know when someone will surprise you.
However, if I choose to ignore someone who I’ve already been surprised by (multiple times), I don’t require an explanation for my behavior. Bitches.
Last night, I went to a friend’s house after homecoming and a visit to Timmy Ho’s: it eventually ended up being nice because I was with Emma, Hannah, and Stephen (and Derrek for a little while). but also pretty gay, because by the time Ben and Craig left, Derrek had to leave too, so we sat there afterward and chilled. Chillfully. Okay, cool. I don’t mind that. But it could have been so much more fun, and it wasn’t. The whole first hour and a half there I sat and thought, Wow, please shut up.
Why? Because I don’t give a shit if some college girl took a dump in the middle of a hallway. Believe it or not, that kind of grosses me out.
It was freaking homecoming, and we got to hear badly-delivered “funny” stories from the grown-up college boys. Were the stories supposed to be impressive? Funny? Interesting? Was I somehow supposed to be eager to go to college all of a sudden, or what?
Ennui took over. I texted, and sat in the same chair as Stephen, who also texted. The entire time.
And as much as I wanted to stay over at Hannah’s, I guess I was glad to have gone home. I got in the car, lost a five dollar bet, cleaned the bathroom (which had been messy after a rushed getting-ready party) and deflated the air mattress, then fell asleep listening to Funkytown, which for some reason was playing at 1:45 in the morning. I replaced lyrics with “won’t you take me to– Kevin Brooooown” and drifted into dreamland. There, I had an interesting dream involving some grinding, a brown floor, and a guy in a blue shirt.
But except for the beginning of coronation and the beginning of the afterparty, homecoming was faaaantastic. I had fun, and in the long run, that’s what I’m going to remember, instead of being annoyed.
Kick Drum Heart 