Kick Drum Heart


What if what-ifs get too overwhelming, too early?

I woke up this morning wanting to make lists, wanting to start school, and wanting to get things done. It then occurred to me that I will be completely counterproductive if I have all these grand plans to make things happen but no notion or direction toward how to actually accomplish them.

So today I guess I’ll be sifting through the papers downstairs. I am going to try and finish my reading cards– although I’m not sure how happy I’ll be re-submerging myself in the hazy medical green fog of lobotomies and Big-boobed Nurse. I might try making lists: what I need for school, what I have for school, what I need to do in order to be ready for school, what I should be doing so I don’t suck when I go back to school.

I’m a smidgeon excited.

Here’s the downside, the only one that I can see.

I had a dream last night that life flew by.
I woke up and discovered what the hell, that’s not a dream, really.
In my dream, I texted Caitlin in September, and the next thing I knew, it was her birthday in November. And I hadn’t talked to her in all the time in between. Dumb.
Not going to happen, either.

It reminded me of “Marley & Me.” The dream did: where at the beginning John and Jenny are twenty-ish and by the end they’re in their forties. All that time vanished in the span of two hours. Not even.

What if that happens to me? Life rocketing by so fast that all I catch of it is a blur? What if I waste it? What if I mess it up? What if I can’t fix my mistakes, or leave a friend when they need me, or end up giving up something I love without knowing it?

What if I don’t live life, and never even know the difference?



Avetts Rock the Harbor

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The Avett Brothers !

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Scott & Seth Avett

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… again. :D

The Avett Brothers rocked the shit out of Buffalo last night. They really did. I don’t think they expected to have such a massive fan base here– honestly, “Thursday in the Square” sounds like a farmer’s market.

But the crowd was wild. I stood with KT, Marya, Damen and Tia about three or four rows of people back from the stage, and holy shit did those Avetts have energy. Absolutely crazy. Bob and the Asian whose name I don’t know were great, too. They were just awesome. I wish they would have played “At the Beach” and maybe “Die Die Die” but other than that, I couldn’t have asked for a better show from them.

The crowd was stupid, as usual, though. These two pudgy girls (that’s not a diss on pudgy people, it’s a description and yes ok a slap to the two girls) blobbed their way in front of Damen and Tia, “looking for their friend.” Yeah, ok. We’d all been standing there waiting for over two hours to hear the fricken Avett Brothers and now they were taking up like five square feet in front of us. Katie and I were just to the right and a little behind Damen and Tia. So Tia starts dancing and jabbing at them with her elbows (a noteworthy tactic, I’d budged this one dumb woman who was standing next to me like a bump on a log that way earlier). And then these girls just start bitching her out, and the old guy next to Damen called them “real fucking classy” and then they left shortly thereafter. We were glad they were gone, but the fatter one shoved Tia as they waddled off and that pissed me off.

Oh well, though, because the music was stunning and the audience was nuts and the band was giving it all they had. If I ever (fingers crossed) have the opportunity to perform live with a band, I can only hope to have half as much energy and crowd appeal. They were soooo good.

That’s all for now, though, I have to go do laundry. Ha, ironically, “Laundry Room” just popped up on my playlist :)

I have one more picture that’s going to go up here later, too. Mom and Michelle were on the side of the stage way up front near the security man (they made friends with him, apparently) and they got a good one. But only one, since Mom is cell phone illiterate, haha.