Kick Drum Heart


Strawberry Summer
3 May 2010, 7:43 pm
Filed under: Essays/School, Poetry, Writing

Drip from the ice cream cone
       sliding down her face
       The dimpled smiling little
       girl who’s at her grampa’s place.
Trills from the tulip tree out
        front whose leaves are green
       Lawn drenched in emerald gleams
       in one just-pure-happy scene.
Blaze from the summer sun
       shines white as her blonde hair
       The wrinkled grease-marked hand in 
       hers squeezes kindly ’cause she shares.
Slurp from small licking tongue
       saves rivulets from falling
       Strawberry sweet, and sprinkles too 
       melt pink, but grama’s calling.
Chirping from the blossomed trees 
       chimes light, such cheerful sounds
       Face washed in pink
       she stops to think
       And in a blink
       It’s now.

 

*Another poem I needed for English. Complete with Fun Facts about the author (not including birth or death).

Author: Me
01.) My first memory is of my mother rocking me and singing Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard’s “Pancho and Lefty.”
02.) I am not a coffee addict: I can stop at any time.
03.) Nickolas saved Michelle and I from a hammerhead shark in Mexico. I saw it first, but he beat it up.
*Real 03.) I am terrified of toads.

Ingredients: Chocolate syrup, strawberry (or vanilla) ice cream, more chocolate syrup, many *many sprinkles. Potentially butterscotch (the BEST EVER) and/or caramel if it suits one’s tastes.

Prep: First, there’s no point in homemade ice cream cones unless there is a surprise at the bottom. So take your favorite syrup (mine is chocolate) and pour some in the bottom of your cone. Then forget you did so (then it’s more like a surprise when you get there), and take an ice cream scooper, dig into a gallon of ice cream, and plop it into a cone. Next, syrup it into oblivion. It’s the only way to eat ice cream like a little kid. Finally, sprinkle it until you can’t even see the syrup. Then enjoy and think of summertime.



But then, I realized (that I’m on a ramble)

I wasn’t going to blog right now. I don’t know what I was going to do this period, exactly… maybe marimba it up, but there’s 5/6 Band. Maybe type some of my story, but Judd hasn’t given me back the proofed copy back yet.

Then I found out some bum news, and that made me sad. Just trivial crap, but it hurt my feelings regardless. I wondered when I had become so soft-shelled and soggy-minded. Seriously.

But then I remembered Daniel, and being personable and happy despite trivial stupid crap. I remembered how even yesterday, after thinking about him and everything else, how much more friendly I actually was toward people I barely talked to. I’d forgotten how much I like talking to strangers (that’s funny, huh?). I guess I’d become so comfortable in my own group of friends, I’d forgotten how much I enjoy broadening the sphere of my relationships with people. I remembered flirting with the lacrosse players, singing like a lunatic with Ashleigh, and Nick and I bumping purposefully into one another in playful harrassment. And I remembered talking with Emily today about the Pennysaver article that’s going to feature me, and my music. I remembered freaking amazing Eastman and the unexpected blessing it was to hear from them.

And then I felt better. I dealt with the stupid trivial crap in about two minutes; then made my way here. I posted my poem, and felt even (more) better, despite that sad grammar. At first I didn’t like the poem; I mean, doesn’t it make me look like the hugest music geek ever? and plus I have to present it creatively, and geeze what am I going to do?

Then I figured out that I don’t care, and I am a music geek. And to polish it off I’m going to sing it for my class. Hah.

I know I have a decision to make, college-wise. Syracuse is full of different opportunities that I may never get at Eastman. So I have to choose where I want my life to go.

But for now, I am happy. I am thinking and I am serious about things, but I am happy. And I love it. And that’s what counts.



Rough draft of her song
14 April 2010, 12:52 pm
Filed under: Essays/School, Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

(A poem we have to write for JCC English about our futures… aka where we see ourselves in five years)

Rough draft of her song

All she could hear was a symphony
All she could hear was that sound
All she could think of was
          Where
                         to
                                 go
When she stood on stable ground.

All they could know was she’s going
All they could know was she’s gone
All they could hope was
         That
                  she’d
                           grow
While she was singing her song.

Al she could breathe was the music
All she could breathe were those notes
All she could do to live
         Was
                  to
                        sing
And hope that the world would know love.

All she could say was I’m trying
All she could say had been sung
All she could want now was
         To
               go
                      home
Now that music’d been made for so long.

All she could love was still standing
All she could love had held on
Now the words that she said to them,
         “I
                love
                         you”
Were sung softly as time played along.



Kak bac 3obyt
13 April 2010, 4:54 pm
Filed under: Dreams, Essays/School, Events, My Day | Tags: , , , , ,

In the Russian, that means “What do you call yourself?”

I’m asking today. Today, kak bac 3obyt?

It answers, amazing.

And today calls itself amazing because

I just got accepted to Eastman School of Music.



Brisk

I want to go outside and take a walk. Despite the cooler air and rainy disposition of the weather, it’s still gorgeous and I feel like gardening. The chapter we had to read for Brendan’s book club talked about gardening. And Jarrett Stevens’ yellow Lab.

I miss my yellow Lab. Sweet fat Potter.

Oh well and the drizzle makes me melancholy.

I just finished my Frankennotes and they are sixteen pages long. Well, it’s a college course. She asked for my thoughts, and I gave them to her.

I have a headache. And yes, this is all pointless rambling but I really crave home right now and blogging is as close as I’m going to get until three. Assuming Nickolas can stay after. But my eyes are tired and my head is throbbing and like a little kid, I want to go hooome.

Maybe it’s because it’s sunk in that, next year, it will cease being my place. Granted I will always find a home there, but that blue house will become justahouse and my life will commence elsewhere. I want to absorb the family that we are now and the home we have together for the few short months it will remain as-is. Then I’ll be okay for the change. I hope.

I also hope that my best friend Nick isn’t staying. Then I can leave.

Well, it’s off to turn in Frankenstein. Bye.



The waltz

Peering through fine silver dust

Glitter-dance upon the air

Gold-painted eyes in masquerade

She wonders if they care.

Together they twirl merrily

Dizzy partners no one knows

Her mask stays up, so permanent

The ballroom twirls; it goes, it goes.

Spinning rush, a pirouette

The laugh, it’s fake, but she?

She’s gliding, whirling, one more time

Waltz with Society.



Eat it Meursault, I’m a week early with this essay.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth– isn’t that the mantra humankind has clung to since law originated? Justice will be served, and the criminal will get what’s coming to them. Death will be repaid with death: it’s only right.
Thus is the intrinsically judgmental and hypocritical nature of human beings. Although each of us possess qualities just as sinful and monstrous as those of our brothers and sisters, we proceed to presume to know of and know best all that resides within any given soul.
Societies throughout the world over the course of history have taken upon themselves a personal duty to claim the lives of “evildoers.” Albert Camus writes, in the words of his protagonist, Meursault, “The papers were always talking about the debt owed to society. According to them, it had to be paid” (Camus 109). Yet it is society that insistently proclaims that the loss of life is the most tragic occurrence the world can see.
It is not unreasonable in the least to suggest (or even expect) that those guilty of offenses be punished. Imprisoned, shuttered away from those they might harm, they can bring no ill to the remainder of the population. It IS outrageous, however, to condemn a person to death. To take their life, their very existence? Would that not put the blood of a second victim upon society’s conscience? “Whereas, once again, the machine [in this case, society itself] destroyed everything: you were killed discreetly, with a little shame and with great precision” (Camus 112). That precision that the world today prides itself on should be directed less toward pointless carnage and more toward sense. To avenge one murder with a second does not alleviate loss– it elevates it. It does not eliminate grief, shelve mourning, or lessen the pain of those left to live. It only increases agony, and stirs resentment and simmering coals of rage.
A story is told in the Bible, of a sinner who is sentenced to death by stoning. Jesus was passing by, and the people looked to him for confirmation to know that their punishment was fitting. To their surprise (and some dismay), Jesus told them, “Whomever among you is blameless may cast the first stone.” Needless to point out, the criminal did not die that day.
There are no blameless of guiltless members in society to throw that stone, nor will there ever be. Who is capable of deeming whether a life should end?
The fact remains that the guilty party (like any other human) still possesses a potential and capacity for change. Meursault, a man who killed another in cold blood, is such an example. Simply because a man has done a terrible deed, he is not instantly evil. He does not transform into the devil. He is nothing more than a human being, as deserving as the next for a chance at love and redemption. Even the supposedly heartless, emotionless Meursault clamors for clemency, when his sentence (beheading) is arrayed before him. “I’d realized that the most important thing was to give the condemned man a chance. Even one in a thousand was good enough to set things right” (Camus 111). If he had not been faced with his own state-mandated demise, Meursault would have had enough time to reform, had he chose. There would have been a glimmer of opportunity there, through which he might have sought redemption. Had he time, he might have had a chance.
There was no time for Meursault. Confronted, as the clock ticked, with the possibility of the existence of a life after death, the previously Existentialist Meursault retreated into himself. He reformed, not through love, but through confusion and bitterness. He changed: but due to the reality of his looming execution he absorbed a whirling tide of rage and a lifetime of apathy. That hardened him, forced him into indifference. The rigidity of capital punishment resisted Meursault’s feeble attempts to change, and the unfortunate man’s fragile outlook shattered against it.
Nothing can rationalize the exchange of one life as the payment for another’s. The concept that a murder committed by the “people” and society is any more morally or logically sound or acceptable than a murder committed by anyone else is absurd. It does not matter that perhaps the one was innocent and the other a criminal. It doesn’t matter that one wielded a weapon. At the end of the day two families grieve. At the end of the day, two men are still dead.