Filed under: Events, My Day, Random Thoughts | Tags: dogs, God, grizz, happy, heart, molley, outside, philosophy, potter, psychology, spring, summer, talking, thankful, warm, whatever
It’s here.
It’s here it’s here it’s here!
Spring has finally come, and it seems like Summer is nudging its way up around her.
I’m almost afraid to go outside and enjoy the weather, just in case it’s faking. If I wake up tomorrow and there is a blizzard and twenty-degree weather again, I might cry, and I’m not even exaggerating. I might just start bawling my head off.
I just wanted to post this blog and find out what my iTunes store password is (I forgot it) and then I will be outside again. I let the dogs outside today for the first time since November.
I know it’s some pyschological crap, but I haven’t wanted to see Molley and Grizz, haven’t wanted to acknowledge winter. I’m sure it’s something to do with Potter’s death and pain by association. The winter part just tags along sluggishly and made spending time with the pair of them worse.
But now it’s warm out again, and my cranky, freezing heart is thawing and I’m happy.
I’m thankful to God right now that’s I’m happy. I’m thankful to God that I can feel Him here.
That’s why I stopped talking to Him before, because it felt like He wasn’t talking to me, or didn’t want to. I’m not going to examine that statement right now because I want to get on and offline and go away. But it’s just such a relief not to have to search for God. He’s right here, with me. All the time. It feels like I’m never alone, and I guess that means I’m not.
And, well, whatever. Enough with the philosophical babbling, because hey! It’s warm outside! And gorgeous, despite the stinking piles of snow littering my backyard and the thick slabs of ice crusting the pool and pond. Whatever whatever.
I’m going out on the bare, warm deck to write while my silly cats look on.
Filed under: My Day | Tags: absent, aminals, animals, apple fritters, ball, black lab, calm, chelsea, chocolate lab, cloud, clouds, cloudy, did not, didn't, dog, dogs, dork, energetic, eve, facts, fun, fun stuff, garage, gray, grey, grizz, grizzwald, hammer, harrass, harrassed, ignore, ignored, katie, keep, labrador retriever, labrador retrievers, learn, learned, learning, lesson, little, math, mind, molley, molley grace, name, natures, new, new year, new year's, new year's eve, nickname, no, nominal, organization, organized, pet, pets, poor, potter, puppies, puppy, rambunctious, rod, roller blades, roller blading, roller skates, skate, skates, skating, skies, stuff, taught, teach, teaching, timed, tomorrow, tutor, tutoring, year, yellow lab
I did not go skating. It was exceptionally chilly, so after two trips back indoors for extra clothes and an iPod and phone deposit, I made my way outside to freeze with the dogs. We couldn’t find a ball, so we made do with randomly galloping around the backyard. Over stumps, rocks, and piles of accumulated bramble we went, me, then Grizz beside me, Potter lagging slightly behind. Molley would run for a moment or two, then something would catch her interest, and off she’d go to explore an intriguing scent, shape, or movement. After about a half hour we went back into the garage, where I fed them dog treats, harrassed Grizz, praised Potter and ignored poor Molley. Out of the three of them, she has the least dominant personality. A little snippy, shy, and protective, she tends to roll with whatever her brother and mother get up to. The lowest-in-the-pack role extracts a sweet and submissive nature, though. When she was a little puppy we called her Sweetie, not knowing that we’d be keeping her. The nickname suited her then and now. She might be the quietest, but she’s easily the calmest-natured.
The dogs’ stories can wait for another day, however; I’m tutoring in about eight minutes. The lesson’s nicely timed out on paper, and I’m all energized and ready to hammer out some math facts. It might be break, but the mind always needs exercise, right?
After teaching, Katie’s coming over and then we might go see Rod’s puppies before heading to Chelsea’s with apple fritters. Fun stuff.
Tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve, which might mean even more fun stuff. Or it could mean Katie and I drowning in ennui all by our lonesomes. Hrmm. We’ll see.
Filed under: Events, My Day, My Explanations | Tags: at least, boisterous, bones, book, carry, conclusions, cried, cry, december 26, dog, easy, everything, experience, experiences, fact, fail, family, fifty, giant, goal, goals, grizz, grogan, home, husband, initiative, innocent, jennifer grogan, john grogan, katie, knees, lab, labrador retriever, life, long-term, love, marley, marley & me, marley and me, mascara, me, michelle, molley, molley grace, mom, movie, music, mutt, new year's, personality, plan, plans, poignant, potter, resolution, scared, school, sexy, shaking, story, sweet, teach, teaching, tears, terrified, terror, theater, touching, try, unconditional, unsatisfied, vocalist, who knows?, who will?, willpower, years, yellow lab
I went with Katie, Michelle, and Mom to see “Marley and Me” in theatres today.
I cried.
It’s the story of a yellow lab whose eating habits and boisterous personality drive the Grogan family to insanity and to laughter in turns. I loved it. The dog is so sweet and innocent. And loves his family unconditionally, as good dogs do. It was a touching and poignant story and I was fully prepared to brutally knee the jerk that called it “cheesy” in the balls, but that would have meant charging over to him with the tears still wet on my face and mascara smeared down the side of my head. I looked a little torn up. We all did. The movie evoked almost every human emotion available and left me feeling like a used dishrag.
The entire time, I couldn’t stop thinking of our own yellow labrador, Potter, and how loyal and loving she’s been even though our family is one that’s constantly in motion and only home long enough (as a rule) to let the dogs out to use the bathroom. It made me want to race home and hug each of my dogs– all of whom I’ve seen grow from little puppies into mature dogs, even if Grizz still doesn’t know the difference between “speak” and “shut up, you crazy beast”– they both mean the same thing to him.
I also came face-to-face with the fact that life isn’t nearly long enough. As much as it terrifies me, I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t just sit back and let things happen. I’ve got to take the initiative. If I don’t, who will? As I mentioned to Katie, I’ll end up fifty years old and sitting in my giant house with only echoes for company. I refuse to let that happen! I don’t know what my long-term plans in life are. I might just want a sexy European lover and a hectic life as a phenomenal vocalist. Or, I could pick an simple life with a country home, five kids, a loving husband, and a giant attack-mutt, educating the local schoolchildren in music theory.
Or, hey, I could end up with the giant dog, founding schools in third-world countries with a sexy European husband and four kids.
Who knows?
But see, now, short-term plans are less complicated. I can figure out what I want from life in the here and now, and get it. Or at least try.
Although, I’m ashamed to admit, the thought of failure has me terrified past my trembling knees and down into my very blood.
I’ve got to work past the fear. I don’t want to be that white-haired lady alone and unsatisfied. Even if I fail at everything I attempt to make happen, that will be my life, and I will have experiences to fill the timeline when I look back on it.
My resolve and willpower will carry me beyond my shaking bones and into a future filled with little goals accomplished and big ones tackled.
Kick Drum Heart 