Filed under: Random Thoughts, Writing | Tags: anything, away, basis, blog, breath, change, college, consciousness, daily, damned, desperately, don't, eager, enter, everything, evolve, evolved, experience, fail, family, few, final, friends, future, gowanda, guitar, guitar riffs, happen, high school, hit me, individual, jam, jamming, last, lately, leave, left, life, living, made, make, make the most of it, making, mark, me, mind, miss, mold, moment, my mark, my own, new, not, nothing, offer, old, one, own, person, possibilities, preparing, queen, riffs, same, school, seeing, senior, sense, short, so they say, stream of consciousness, succeed, terrified, terror, think, thinking, time, transition, want, wasted, weeks, what if?, will be, write, Writing, year, young, youth
As I sit here jamming to the piercing guitar riffs of Queen, I think on the possibilities the future has to offer. What’s new, right? I do that on a daily basis. Lately, though, it’s started to hit me… in a few short weeks I will be considered a senior, or at least in the transition to one. I will be preparing to enter my final year of high school.
I don’t want to! But in the same breath I do; I desperately, desperately do. I want to go out to experience what life has to offer, I want to leave my mark on the world. I want to be my own person, my own individual.
But I’ll miss not living with my family and seeing my friends daily when I’m away in college. I know I will make new friends, but what of the old ones? What will happen?
Anything can happen in that last year of school. Everything or nothing can change me, mold me into the person I will be when I leave for college.
I’m eager, and yet I’m terrified. What if I fail? Or, what if I succeed?
I know I’m not making much sense at the moment, but I didn’t start this blog with a set sense of what I wanted to write about in mind. It just kind of evolved with my stream of consciousness.
In any case, I want to make the most of what time I have left in Gowanda. “Youth is wasted on the young,” they say. Well, I’ll be damned if it’s wasted on me.
Filed under: Events, My Day, Random Thoughts | Tags: 10something, accident, admiration, alone, always, backwards, beat, beautiful, beauty, bus, busdriver, by myself, check, checking, christ, christ jesus, creation, creativity, creep, dangerous, death, deathtrap, deepfreeze, doom, douse, doused, drank, drink, drive, driver, driveway, enormous, experience, experienced, fear, fervent, few, fine, freeze, freezing, frigid, glazed, go, God, guard, guard rail, guardrail, heart, heartbeat, ice, icy, immersed, imminent, incision, january, jesus, jesus christ, land, lonely, love, mary, mind, moment, moments, myself, natural, nerve-wracking, nerves, nervous, nothing, peace, physically, plunge, plunged, protect, protective, pulse, racing, racing pulse, rail, sank, scary, scene, sharp, short, sit, skid, skin, slow, snow, snow-glazed, something, still, stillness, stood, ten, ten-something, terrified, terror, think, thinking, thought, thoughts, thump, thumping, tranquil, tranquility, um, vehicle, virgin mary, way, what, wind, winter, within, wonder, wonderland
10something AM 1/28/09 The Bus
I hate winter. I really do. I would gladly substitute snow for five months of sweltering heat.
But today, as I walked down my icy driveway to meet the bus, I was awed by God’s creativity, at his creations.
Beauty surrounded me. I don’t think I have the ability to select the choicest words to describe it.
Snow piled up soundlessly around (and on) me. The locust and spruce trees sat stoically on the front lawn and allowed themselves to be frosted by a delicate sheet of white.
The tranquility and silence after a morning of waiting and loud, beat-laden melodies was a welcome, gently settled blanket of peace.
It isn’t often I am alone. I can feel lonely, or sit by myself, but there is always someone with me physically, or checking up on me, or on my mind.
Christ Jesus and Mary. The bus almost slid into a ravine. There was no guard rail. We’re fine though. The busdriver and I. We’re fine.
Back to the snow-glazed wonderland I just stood within– it was nothing like what I just experienced. No thumping heart, racing pulse, or sharp incision of fear. No fervent thoughts like, “let’s just not go this way” or “um, there is no protective rail there.” No nerve-wracking skid or slow creep backwards in an enormous deathtrap of a vehicle.
For a few short moments this morning, I stood immersed in stillness. I wasn’t doused in frigid wind or plunged into icy deepfreeze. The natural scene placed before me sank into my skin and immersed me in love and admiration for the beauty of it all.
I walked down a driveway, and drank in the peace.
Kick Drum Heart 