Filed under: Poetry, Random Thoughts | Tags: act, better, care, cry, days, expecting, glide, guess, hate, honest, impulse, kiss, like, me, no one, one, people, Poetry, possible, room, say, staring, test, they, think, walk, write
One of these days,
I’ll act on impulse.
One of these days,
I’ll say what I think
The most honest version possible
They wouldn’t know it was possible
And either no one will care
Or, they’ll hate me.
One of these days,
I’ll glide along on impulse.
One of these days,
I’ll walk up and kiss him
He wouldn’t be expecting it
No one would be expecting it
And he’d like it
Or, he’ll hate me.
One of these days,
I’ll walk alone with impulse.
One of these days,
I’ll cry, it doesn’t matter
The full room of people, staring
Guess if I was them I’d be staring
And I’d be better
Or I’d hate me.
One of these days,
I’ll write away with impulse.
One of these days,
I’ll test out some poetry
And if it’s pointless then, it’s pointless
I’m not surprised if it is pointless
But if not, then
Here’s to impulse.
Filed under: college, Dreams, music, My Explanations, Writing | Tags: black, blog, breathe, classy, college, gimmeakiss, goes away, hope, kick drum heart, kiss, life, live, lyrics, music, red, silly, sing, the avett brothers, white, wordpress
I love my new wordpress layout :)
I liked the kickdrumheart one, too, don’t get me wrong. But this? It’s black and red, which I normally cringe at together. The white gives it a lacing of class, and the fogginess of it all illustrates the lack of clarity that envelopes my life most of the time.
The coolest part is, naturally, the Avett Brothers lyrics in the banner and side images.
They’re from the song “Gimmeakiss”– which is cute to begin with– but also seems to coalesce with my current agenda. Ironic, isn’t it, that when I need to focus on important things I start wanting to flirt with boys.
I’m silly, I know. I just won’t think about that, and hope it goes away.
But my all-time favorite lyric from the Avetts right now is in the image header:
“You hear my voice right now, well that’s pretty much all I am”
… that pretty much sums up my life.
Or how I want my life to be, anyway. That’s in the plan: my plan. My plan for success, for life.
To sing.
That’s all I want right now.
Xylophone, musical, choir, writing, yearbook…
As much as I love them all, they can fade into silence. My family and friends speak to me, and I’ll sing for them as well as myself.
My road leads me toward music. I want to hear it, breathe it. Feelitsingitliveit. I want that to be my life.
My voice? It’s pretty much all I am.
Filed under: Dreams, My Explanations, Random Thoughts, Ranting | Tags: "Why that's absurd!", 8:00, a lot, absurd, adoration, adore, at least, balance, boys, brendan, cait, caitlin, car, chance, cheap, chemistry, commitment, confused, considerate, contact, conversation, dead of the night, decent, dedication, devotion, don't know, drop, early, eight, enjoy, expect, expectations, eye strain, fall asleep, feel, find, flight, flighty, forceful, friend, fun, God, good night, good times, growl, guess, happy medium, hesistant, hesistating, hesistation, hope, how, i don't know what i'm talking about, inkling, Irresistible Revolution, issue, jack, kate winslet, keep, kiss, leo dicaprio, life, like, live, looking, love, moment, moments, moron, moving, names, no issue, no sinking, one life, people, perfect, perfect balance, person, pillow, please, pleasing, reason, respect, rose, screw, searching, serious, service, settle, settle down, Shane Claiborne, short, sink, six, six hours, sleep, slut, sluts, solemn, soul strain, sounds, stupid, take the chance, text, texting, texting while sleeping, them, think, thinking, thought, time, titanic, too hard, trapped, understand, up, use, vow, waking, what they think, whatever, with me
I don’t know if there’s a better reason for being up this early other than I can’t fall back to sleep, but I didn’t want to take the chance that there was. It sounds stupid, but I don’t want to miss a thing… I’m reading The Irresistible Revolution right now and Brendan was right, it does change you. Already I am searching hard at my life, looking for ways that God can use me. I have the inkling I’m looking a little too closely, but I’d rather try and look too hard than not at all. Although, isn’t God the one who will find service and drop it in my lap? See, I don’t know. So I’m confused and starting to get eye and soul strain, here.
Oh, and I think I was trying to text in my sleep again. Cait wasn’t here last night to check on me, but I woke up and my phone was next to me instead of shoved back way under my pillow, so I was moving around pretty forcefully, at least.
I love sleep. I don’t want to give up sleeping because I act like a moron and can’t stop from growling out names and trying to contact people in the dead of the night. How absurd.
The word “absurd” makes me think of “Titanic,” and Rose. “Why that’s absurd!”
I wish I had a Jack (preferably one that wouldn’t sink). I think he’d be a lot of fun, and he’d think I was fun too so there would be no issue. He wouldn’t be too hesistant or too much of a whore. He would want to talk to me or screw me in a car, depending on the moment. We’d have a lot of good times. He wouldn’t expect commitment or a solemn vow of dedication and devotion– he would adore me in the moment, just as I would him. He would understand that there was only one life to live and enjoy, and he’d want to spend a few short moments of his with me.
That, to me, is the perfect balance in a guy. Not too flighty, so I think I’m cheap, but not that willing to settle down, either. I don’t want to feel trapped. I don’t want to have to spend every waking moment thinking about one person and how they feel and what they think and how best to please them. I want, for once, for someone to want to please me but not want to commit to anything serious. I thought boys liked to be considerate sluts?
I’m not saying I want someone for a fuck-and-run. I don’t want to spend time with a guy I can’t respect or have a decent conversation with. But there should be some kind of happy medium, an easy chemistry that doesn’t require too much input from either of us. I want a friend who likes to kiss me, I guess. Haha.
Whatever, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m probably not posting this. At least not until eight o’ clock, anyway. I might go back to sleep. God will find me, I hope. Or else I’ll keep searching, just not when I’m on six hours of sleep on a Sunday morning. Good night.
Kick Drum Heart 