Filed under: My Explanations, Writing | Tags: :], a lot, age, always, author, authors, biological, biologist, biology, black, blog, blogging, Blogs, book, books, but, carry, cast, cast of characters, chance, character, characters, children, clock, compose, composition, composition notebook, contribute, contribution, crazy, deal, depend, depending, depends, dream, eager, easier, easy, every, excerpts, fear, feeling, fill, filling, first, footwear, form, gap, gaps, go, go crazy, going, great, great deal, ha, have, hypothetical, hypothetically, it, it is, it's, journal, lack, lacking, lately, left, left and right, like, lit, literary, literature, little, long, made up, making up, material, maybe, me, mine, more, much, my, narrate, narrated, neglect, neglected, neglecting, never, not, note, notebook, novel, novels, one, order, particular, past, perfect, place, publish, published, putting, read, reading, reason, remember, revise, revising, right, second, setting, share, shoe, shoes, simple, someone, stories, storm, story, storytime, tell, telling, them, there, though, tick, tick-tock, ticking, time, tried, try, trying, type, typing, week, weeks, who, work, working, world, write, Writing, written, wrote, you, young, younger
So, I have not been blogging lately, but never fear. I have been writing up a storm.
It’s always been my dream to write a book. For as long as I can remember I’ve been making up stories left and right.
Now is the time where I get to feeling like my hypothetical biological clock is ticking. NOT for children… for a book.
There are already published authors who are my age or younger. I have a great deal to contribute to the literary world and am so eager to share it!
So for the past few weeks I’ve been carrying around a simple-but-perfect black composition notebook. It’s a lot like a journal, because the story is going to be narrated by me, for the most part. It’s easier telling a story that way; reading one written by someone else always makes me feel like I am in that character’s shoes at that particular place in time. What I write is always in story form, though; I have a setting and a cast of characters and I’m trying to go crazy with it every chance I get. I think it’s working :] As soon as I fill up the notebook, I’m typing and revising the little excerpts I have, then putting them in order. And then filling in the gaps with more story. Maybe I’ll even fill a second notebook, depending on how much material I feel like I’m lacking.
Ha, but anyway. There you have it, the reason why I have neglected my blog.
Filed under: Dreams, music, My Day, Random Thoughts | Tags: "elaborate lives", "written in the stars", 180, 2008, 2009, accompanied, accompany, act, acted, acting, acts, actual, adam, adam pascal, after, afterward, aida, aida's, air, air-headed, allow, allowed, although, amneris, anderson, around, aud, audition, auditions, belt, belting, belting out, best, better, breakup, broadway, broken, bs, bullshit, cast, cat, cats, center, center stage, change, changes, changing, character, characterization, characters, chill, chilled, chills, coach, coached, coaches, coaching, control, convey, copy, costume, costumes, could, country, crave, cry, crying, danger, dangerous, dead-set, deck, decked, degree, degrees, dignity, discovery, diva, dumped, ears, egypt, egyptian, eight, eighteen, elaborate, elton, elton john, endangering, envision, envisioned, ever, experience, experienced, experiences, eyes, face, fashion, february, february 2008, feel, feeling, feline, fell, felt, fiance, fingernail, fingernails, first, friend, friends, funny, general, generally, gowanda, guy, ha, happiness, happy, head, head-over-heels, headed, headley, headstrong, heart, heartbroken, hearted, heather, heather headly, heels, help, helped, high, high school, hit, hits, home, hopeless, hopeless romantic, hung, hung out, immeasurably, immeasure, immesurable, individual, individuality, injustice, inspirational, inspire, inspired, january 2009, john, kellie, knew, know, knowledge, later, lead, leader, leading, leads, lerew, lesson, life, life lesson, life-changing, light, light-hearted, lights, listen, listened, listener, listening, lives, loss, love, loved, lover, maybe, me, mereb, middle, million, million and one, mind, month, months, move, moved, moving, mr. bett, music, musical, my life, naive, nation, need, nehebka, never, november, november 2008, now, nubia, nubian, observed, observer, one, one-eighty, onstage, opinion, opinionated, original, originally, out, over, overcame, overcome, own, pain, part, pascal, passion, people, perfect, perform, performance, performed, performing, pharaoh, phenomenal, place, point, possess, possession, pour, power, powerful, princess, queen, radames, really really, recording, recover, recovering, regain, relationship, relationships, remember, represent, representative, represents, rest, role, rolled, romance, romantic, ruler, sang, saw, school, scott, self, self-possession, serious, shatter, shattered, sherie renee, sherie renee scott, show, shunt, shunted, sing, singing, situation, sixteen, slave, slavery, slaves, smaller, so sweet, sojourn, sojourned, sojourning, somtimes, song, songs, soul, spot, spotlight, stage, stage left, star, stars, stood, story, strong, success, sucks, sung, survival, survive, survived, sweet, talent, talents, taylor, taylor anderson, tear, tears, the observer, thigh, thigh-high, think, thought, together, true, turn, turnaround, undergo, undergoes, undergone, unexpected, vision, vivid, vividly, wade, waded, wading, want, wanted, wash, waste, wet, when, withstand, withstood, woman, worthless, worthlessness, written, year, zoser
I was just listening to “Written in the Stars,” from “AIDA.”
I got chills and felt like crying. The music. The characters. The loss of the part I thought I was perfect for, the discovery of my true talents, plus actually performing the show. All of these made it a life-changing experience for me.
It’s funny that it all hits me now, months and months afterward.
I originally received a copy of the Broadway cast recording in February 2008. I was just recovering from my first “real” breakup from a “serious” relationship, and the music helped me regain some sense of power, control, individuality and self-possession. It also allowed me to regain my dignity.
Later that year, I “hung out” with the same guy, and when he acted like a dickhead, I put up with it, then went home and listened to Heather Headley pour Aida’s soul into my ears, and into my heart. The character is so powerful– a strong woman, a queen. Very headstrong and opinionated, but she fell in love. As star-crossed as they were, they found happiness together.
It really sucks being a headstrong, opinionated, hopeless romantic. Despite the bullshit I had waded thigh-high into in my actual life, I could listen to “Elaborate Lives” and feel Radames’ and Aida’s love wash over me. Sometimes those songs made me think that my own relationships could be so sweet. Ha, at that point in time, I was really, really naive. But that’s not the point.
When auditions rolled around, I was dead-set on getting Aida. I felt like I KNEW her, I wanted to be her. I knew I could convey the passion I felt for her situation on stage. In my mind I saw Observer headlines, envisioned Heather Headley and Elton John sojourning to Gowanda. I vividly pictured a stage decked out in Egyptian finery, with myself in the center, belting out the injustice of slavery and the guilt I felt for endangering my people.
One of my best friends got the part.
I was shunted (in my mind) to the role of Amneris, the Egyptian princess head-over-heels for fashion and for her fiance Radames. Amneris is really shunted in the musical– Radames would rather be with Aida. Amneris undergoes a one-eighty degree turnaround from light-hearted and air-headed diva to heartbroken, powerful ruler.
I fell in love with Amneris’ character, too. It was unexpected, and it was a smaller role. But I had a million and one costume changes, some phenomenal singing and acting coaching…
And when I sang, when I stood in the middle of the stage with tears wet on my face and sang about love and loss, worthlessness, waste and a shattered heart, I felt Amneris. Her story became a part of me, as much as my eyes or my fingernails. It’s generally observed that Aida was the strong one. And she was strong.
But Amneris was strong, too. Immeasurably so. She withstood her pain, overcame it, survived. And made her life a success. Maybe she knew love later, maybe she never did. But she made her country a better place and she held a life lesson in her heart for the rest of her life.
“Aida,” and the life lessons that accompanied the show (from February to November to now) will stay with me for the rest of my life. When I’m eighteen or eighty with my own lover or sixteen cats, I will remember “Aida” as the most moving show I have ever performed in high school; I will remember it for its powerful and inspirational leads. I will remember it because Aida and Amneris represent both sides of love, and of life. And since I intend to love, and live, they represent me.
Kick Drum Heart 