Filed under: Dreams, music, My Day, Random Thoughts | Tags: "elaborate lives", "written in the stars", 180, 2008, 2009, accompanied, accompany, act, acted, acting, acts, actual, adam, adam pascal, after, afterward, aida, aida's, air, air-headed, allow, allowed, although, amneris, anderson, around, aud, audition, auditions, belt, belting, belting out, best, better, breakup, broadway, broken, bs, bullshit, cast, cat, cats, center, center stage, change, changes, changing, character, characterization, characters, chill, chilled, chills, coach, coached, coaches, coaching, control, convey, copy, costume, costumes, could, country, crave, cry, crying, danger, dangerous, dead-set, deck, decked, degree, degrees, dignity, discovery, diva, dumped, ears, egypt, egyptian, eight, eighteen, elaborate, elton, elton john, endangering, envision, envisioned, ever, experience, experienced, experiences, eyes, face, fashion, february, february 2008, feel, feeling, feline, fell, felt, fiance, fingernail, fingernails, first, friend, friends, funny, general, generally, gowanda, guy, ha, happiness, happy, head, head-over-heels, headed, headley, headstrong, heart, heartbroken, hearted, heather, heather headly, heels, help, helped, high, high school, hit, hits, home, hopeless, hopeless romantic, hung, hung out, immeasurably, immeasure, immesurable, individual, individuality, injustice, inspirational, inspire, inspired, january 2009, john, kellie, knew, know, knowledge, later, lead, leader, leading, leads, lerew, lesson, life, life lesson, life-changing, light, light-hearted, lights, listen, listened, listener, listening, lives, loss, love, loved, lover, maybe, me, mereb, middle, million, million and one, mind, month, months, move, moved, moving, mr. bett, music, musical, my life, naive, nation, need, nehebka, never, november, november 2008, now, nubia, nubian, observed, observer, one, one-eighty, onstage, opinion, opinionated, original, originally, out, over, overcame, overcome, own, pain, part, pascal, passion, people, perfect, perform, performance, performed, performing, pharaoh, phenomenal, place, point, possess, possession, pour, power, powerful, princess, queen, radames, really really, recording, recover, recovering, regain, relationship, relationships, remember, represent, representative, represents, rest, role, rolled, romance, romantic, ruler, sang, saw, school, scott, self, self-possession, serious, shatter, shattered, sherie renee, sherie renee scott, show, shunt, shunted, sing, singing, situation, sixteen, slave, slavery, slaves, smaller, so sweet, sojourn, sojourned, sojourning, somtimes, song, songs, soul, spot, spotlight, stage, stage left, star, stars, stood, story, strong, success, sucks, sung, survival, survive, survived, sweet, talent, talents, taylor, taylor anderson, tear, tears, the observer, thigh, thigh-high, think, thought, together, true, turn, turnaround, undergo, undergoes, undergone, unexpected, vision, vivid, vividly, wade, waded, wading, want, wanted, wash, waste, wet, when, withstand, withstood, woman, worthless, worthlessness, written, year, zoser
I was just listening to “Written in the Stars,” from “AIDA.”
I got chills and felt like crying. The music. The characters. The loss of the part I thought I was perfect for, the discovery of my true talents, plus actually performing the show. All of these made it a life-changing experience for me.
It’s funny that it all hits me now, months and months afterward.
I originally received a copy of the Broadway cast recording in February 2008. I was just recovering from my first “real” breakup from a “serious” relationship, and the music helped me regain some sense of power, control, individuality and self-possession. It also allowed me to regain my dignity.
Later that year, I “hung out” with the same guy, and when he acted like a dickhead, I put up with it, then went home and listened to Heather Headley pour Aida’s soul into my ears, and into my heart. The character is so powerful– a strong woman, a queen. Very headstrong and opinionated, but she fell in love. As star-crossed as they were, they found happiness together.
It really sucks being a headstrong, opinionated, hopeless romantic. Despite the bullshit I had waded thigh-high into in my actual life, I could listen to “Elaborate Lives” and feel Radames’ and Aida’s love wash over me. Sometimes those songs made me think that my own relationships could be so sweet. Ha, at that point in time, I was really, really naive. But that’s not the point.
When auditions rolled around, I was dead-set on getting Aida. I felt like I KNEW her, I wanted to be her. I knew I could convey the passion I felt for her situation on stage. In my mind I saw Observer headlines, envisioned Heather Headley and Elton John sojourning to Gowanda. I vividly pictured a stage decked out in Egyptian finery, with myself in the center, belting out the injustice of slavery and the guilt I felt for endangering my people.
One of my best friends got the part.
I was shunted (in my mind) to the role of Amneris, the Egyptian princess head-over-heels for fashion and for her fiance Radames. Amneris is really shunted in the musical– Radames would rather be with Aida. Amneris undergoes a one-eighty degree turnaround from light-hearted and air-headed diva to heartbroken, powerful ruler.
I fell in love with Amneris’ character, too. It was unexpected, and it was a smaller role. But I had a million and one costume changes, some phenomenal singing and acting coaching…
And when I sang, when I stood in the middle of the stage with tears wet on my face and sang about love and loss, worthlessness, waste and a shattered heart, I felt Amneris. Her story became a part of me, as much as my eyes or my fingernails. It’s generally observed that Aida was the strong one. And she was strong.
But Amneris was strong, too. Immeasurably so. She withstood her pain, overcame it, survived. And made her life a success. Maybe she knew love later, maybe she never did. But she made her country a better place and she held a life lesson in her heart for the rest of her life.
“Aida,” and the life lessons that accompanied the show (from February to November to now) will stay with me for the rest of my life. When I’m eighteen or eighty with my own lover or sixteen cats, I will remember “Aida” as the most moving show I have ever performed in high school; I will remember it for its powerful and inspirational leads. I will remember it because Aida and Amneris represent both sides of love, and of life. And since I intend to love, and live, they represent me.
Filed under: Events, My Day, Random Thoughts | Tags: 1, 10:30, 11:45, 6:30, a.m. AM, ahhh, am, amethyst, ass, awake, best, blow, broke, broken, brush, bus, caffeine, chem, chemisry, Christmas, coffee, coffee pot, come, consume, consumed, continue, conversation, determine, determined, dish, dishes, drowse, drowsing, early, ela, eleven, eleven forty-five, english, english language arts, entire, exam, exam's, examination, family, feel, feeling, felt, final, final half, fingernail, fingernails, forty, forty-five, funkytown, go, good, goose, grade, half, har, har har, helter skelter, here, hermana, hmmm, hour, i, i am, i'm, ipod, january 28, jitter, jitters, jittery, june, kick, know, knowledge, known, lace, laced, lacing, lavender, like, lips, listen, listener, listening, little, luck, madre, mauve, michelle, michelleigh, middle, mine, mitt, mittie, mom, moniker, monikers, morning, mother, music, myriad, new, not, one, otherwise, over, pee, phew, plate, plates, plum, positive, pot, pretty, pump, pumped, pumped up, purple, purpley, ready, regent, regents, rock, rockin, rocking, royal, royal purple, scarf, score, sister, six, six-thirty, sleep, sleeping, sleepy, smash, smashed, speak, speaking, spoken, stack, summer, supposed, sure, teeth, ten, ten-thirty, test, tests, thing, thirty, this, through, today, turn, turned, turned the music up, turning, via, victor, victorious, victory, violet, wait, waited, waiting, want, wanted, wanting, wednesday, will not, with, woke, woke up, won't, yum
Mauve, violet, lavender, amethyst. It goes by myriad monikers but it otherwise known as purple.
I am rocking the purple today. My lips are mauve, fingernails royal purple, and my scarf is laced with lavender and plum. I am ready to go into the english regents and come out victorious.
This morning, I have consumed an entire pot of coffee, so with all luck I won’t start drowsing in the middle of the final half of my english exam. Out of all the tests, I have a feeling that I’m going to get the best grade on this one (a good thing, because I’m sure my chemistry Regents are going to blow and I’ll need this grade for an average booster).
I’m feeling a little jittery, but I’m pretty sure that’s the coffee speaking through me, har har.
I got up at six thirty to the sound of my sister, breaking dishes. She dropped an entire stack of plates and they smashed. Thankfully, she wasn’t hurt, and they weren’t the new plates I just got my mother for Christmas. Phew.
I am so ready for this! I just want to go and get it over with. I have to wait for the bus to get here; even though we’re supposed to get there at 11:45, he said he’d be here around ten-thirty, so it’s like, ahhh. Hmmm. Okay, so I’ll be there an hour early. I guess I can go do yearbook.
It’s blizzarding out, too, and I’m not positive when exactly he will be getting here. I’m the only one who needs picking up, too. Uhg… Well, I guess I can make conversation, even though I’d rather continue getting pumped up via the music on my iPod.
I’ve been blasting the music all morning since my family left. I’ve visited Funkytown, jumped on it, done it in the road, felt untouched and turned the music up. It’s all been fairly helter skelter.
I just need to pee and brush my teeth and I will be completely ready. Hoo boy. I am going to kick this exam’s ass. Be ready, English Regents, you won’t have seen a score like mine.
Filed under: Ranting | Tags: angry, annoyed, ap, bad, band, calm, calming, chem, chemistry, cranky, difficult, experience, fried, frustrated, frustration, gay, grumpy, history, kenny, knitting, knowledge, kreutzer, learning, mallets, mood swings, paul, pissy, play, potential, practice, sad, snappish, socialize, solos, teach, teacher, teaching, time, upset, waste, xylophone
I love the xylophone.
I hate wasted potential. And wasted time.
I was talking to Kenny today, after a shitty “lesson”– where we just practiced our solos. That wouldn’t have been so awful, except Fried decided that Paul, Kenny, and I should all practice in the aud; we can’t socialize, can’t help one another on our solos. Just straight practice.
And again, that wouldn’t have been so bad. But she was bitching at Kenny for being at the grand piano, and then demanded to know if we were messing around– I had just gotten into the aud, and he was just sitting there. She also yelled at Paul (which I’m fine with), but she was downright cranky. She was in band this morning, too.
That bothers me– that she doesn’t bother to attempt to understand what her students are feeling. She doesn’t try to make band an enjoyable experience. Some days it is, others it isn’t. I hate that. Making music should be a learning experience, a team exercise, and an individual pleasure, at least in my book.
A difficult teacher with mood swings isn’t the best conduit for useful knowledge. : ( It makes me sad.
I was grumpy today, too, because Paul doesn’t give a shit. He has the potential to be very good, very talented, but he just shrugs and says either “This is gay” or “Whatever.”
I guess I’ve just been in a snappish mood today. I was cranky and angry in English, and in my lesson. It’s unlike me. I don’t know if I’m turning over some unusual leaf or just venting frustration.
Who knows.
Well, until later, then. I need to shower, then it’s off to play rehearsal, where I can do the chem homework I have due tomorrow, work on my AP essay, and maybe knit a little bit. Knitting is calming, right?
Kick Drum Heart 