Filed under: Events, My Day, Random Thoughts | Tags: 1, 10:30, 11:45, 6:30, a.m. AM, ahhh, am, amethyst, ass, awake, best, blow, broke, broken, brush, bus, caffeine, chem, chemisry, Christmas, coffee, coffee pot, come, consume, consumed, continue, conversation, determine, determined, dish, dishes, drowse, drowsing, early, ela, eleven, eleven forty-five, english, english language arts, entire, exam, exam's, examination, family, feel, feeling, felt, final, final half, fingernail, fingernails, forty, forty-five, funkytown, go, good, goose, grade, half, har, har har, helter skelter, here, hermana, hmmm, hour, i, i am, i'm, ipod, january 28, jitter, jitters, jittery, june, kick, know, knowledge, known, lace, laced, lacing, lavender, like, lips, listen, listener, listening, little, luck, madre, mauve, michelle, michelleigh, middle, mine, mitt, mittie, mom, moniker, monikers, morning, mother, music, myriad, new, not, one, otherwise, over, pee, phew, plate, plates, plum, positive, pot, pretty, pump, pumped, pumped up, purple, purpley, ready, regent, regents, rock, rockin, rocking, royal, royal purple, scarf, score, sister, six, six-thirty, sleep, sleeping, sleepy, smash, smashed, speak, speaking, spoken, stack, summer, supposed, sure, teeth, ten, ten-thirty, test, tests, thing, thirty, this, through, today, turn, turned, turned the music up, turning, via, victor, victorious, victory, violet, wait, waited, waiting, want, wanted, wanting, wednesday, will not, with, woke, woke up, won't, yum
Mauve, violet, lavender, amethyst. It goes by myriad monikers but it otherwise known as purple.
I am rocking the purple today. My lips are mauve, fingernails royal purple, and my scarf is laced with lavender and plum. I am ready to go into the english regents and come out victorious.
This morning, I have consumed an entire pot of coffee, so with all luck I won’t start drowsing in the middle of the final half of my english exam. Out of all the tests, I have a feeling that I’m going to get the best grade on this one (a good thing, because I’m sure my chemistry Regents are going to blow and I’ll need this grade for an average booster).
I’m feeling a little jittery, but I’m pretty sure that’s the coffee speaking through me, har har.
I got up at six thirty to the sound of my sister, breaking dishes. She dropped an entire stack of plates and they smashed. Thankfully, she wasn’t hurt, and they weren’t the new plates I just got my mother for Christmas. Phew.
I am so ready for this! I just want to go and get it over with. I have to wait for the bus to get here; even though we’re supposed to get there at 11:45, he said he’d be here around ten-thirty, so it’s like, ahhh. Hmmm. Okay, so I’ll be there an hour early. I guess I can go do yearbook.
It’s blizzarding out, too, and I’m not positive when exactly he will be getting here. I’m the only one who needs picking up, too. Uhg… Well, I guess I can make conversation, even though I’d rather continue getting pumped up via the music on my iPod.
I’ve been blasting the music all morning since my family left. I’ve visited Funkytown, jumped on it, done it in the road, felt untouched and turned the music up. It’s all been fairly helter skelter.
I just need to pee and brush my teeth and I will be completely ready. Hoo boy. I am going to kick this exam’s ass. Be ready, English Regents, you won’t have seen a score like mine.
Filed under: My Day, Ranting | Tags: after, amuse, amused, amusement, any, anymore, appeal, appealing, as, attempt, attempting, attempts, attention, attentions, attract, attractive, attractiveness, be, been, behold, believe, believed, big, big deal, blond, blonde, blue, blue eyes, boat, build, building, built, but, can, cheer, cheerful, cheerfulness, cheery, comment, comments, complete, completely, connect, connection, convenient, could, could have, curvaceous, curvacious, curve, curves, curvy, deal, depress, depressed, depressing, determine, determined, do not, don't, drama, dramatic, dwell, easily, easy, else, elsewhere, english, English Regents, even, ever, ex, ex-boyfriend, eyelash, eyelashes, eyes, fact, fail, failure, fantastical, fantasy, feminine, femininity, fiery, flirtation, flirting, float, floated, floating, focus, focused, focusing, frame, fun, gaiety, girl, goes, going, gone, good, guy, guys, h2o, hair, have, heal, healed, healing, heart, hey, hope, hopeful, i, i am, i have, i'm, i've, idea, ideas, imagination, imagine, imagined, inadequacies, inadequacy, inadequate, inconvenient, infested, interest, interested, it, it doesn't matter, just, just that, know, lashes, laugh, length, less, let, life, lifeboat, light, light-hearted, lighthearted, like, long, longer, matter, maybe, mine, my, my own, myself, next, nor, not, nothing, notice, nowhere, noxious, nurse, obnoxious, obscene, obscenely, off, oh, oh-hey, okay, once, out, outspoken, own, party, pause, practice, practicing, pull, pulled, random, really, rebound, refrain, refrained, refuse, regent, regents, repartee, right, romantic, row, row row row your boat, sad, said, say, saying, search, searching, sharp, she, sit, smart, smile, so what?, so what?! loud, soon, sought, sought after, sound, speak, speaker, speaking, speculate, speculation, spirit, spirited, spoken, stupid, suck, sucks, suppose, sure, that, thing, think, thinking, this, thought, thoughts, thrice, time, tomorrow, too, tuesday, turn, turn-off, turns, twice, undesirable, unsuccessful, upset, was, was not, wasn't, water, waters, when, where, white, who, will, will not, with, witty, won't, word, words, would, would not, wouldn’t, wound, write, Writing, written, wrong
I suppose it was just a speculation of mine. You know, a thought. A random inconvenient fantastical idea, that floated in from nowhere. I wouldn’t sound so dramatic, but I’m practicing my writing for the stupid English Regents tomorrow.
But simply put, that means: I guess I just got my hopes up.
It wasn’t a big deal, realizing that, oh-hey, there goes a possibiolity of a fun time. Of course, nothing is really a big deal when it comes to me and guys. I don’t have big deals, or drama. I don’t get upset. It’s “whatever” and “it doesn’t matter” and “who will I take an interest in next?”
Right. Okay, so, who will it be.
I don’t want to think about that right now. I don’t really want to dwell on my failure as a girl, my failure at attractiveness, at witty repartee. I don’t ever like to sit and nurse a wound that will heal easily and soon.
But I don’t want to fail to notice my own sad attempts at femininity. The long blonde hair really does nothing for me, nor do the blue eyes, obscenely long lashes, curvy frame or even smile. Maybe it’s the laugh that turns them off, maybe my cheerfulness is just too obnoxious to behold for any length of time. Maybe the flirting was just that.
Sure. I can deal with that. I won’t think any more on the fact that I’m completely undesirable, too outspoken for my own good, and when the time is right to comment, I refrain. I refuse to pause any longer over my inadequacies as a determined but unsuccessful interested party.
So what if my laugh is too loud, my comments too sharp? So what if I say the wrong thing once or twice, or I’m less appealing than she is?
If I’m too big, I’m too big.
If I’m too smart, I’m too smart.
If I’m only a focus of amusement and flirtation, then I’d do better to focus my own attentions elsewhere.
But this could have been my chance. I let myself believe that, hey, this could be the rebound I’ve been searching for. The connection that pulled me out of ex-infested waters and into a lifeboat built with lighthearted gaiety and a less depressing spirit.
But it’s no big deal. I’ll get over it.
If I’m too romantic and hopeful, I’ve just got to suck it up.
Kick Drum Heart 