“This is so trippy”
23 July 2009, 4:32 pm
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Blogs,
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without,
working,
you know…that’s what Katie’s saying about Sonic the Hedgehog right now, anyhow.
What a day it’s been. My head is still working, grinding out new thoughts and ideas that I can’t really keep straight. Katie’s done a lot to help me with them, though. If you ever need someone to talk to (not that I’m advertising her to creep-asses) she’s your girl.
She’s going to start blogging again, too. I showed her how I revamped mine (I was so proud, haha) and now she’s excited. I am, too. Her brilliance should be make public for sure.
It’s magnificence can be located here. Anyone who’s reading this is highly advised to check it out :)
After Trank leaves today, I’m going to go have some fun. A form of stress relief, if you will. Today’s been filled with many pressing issues and I’m just sick to death of having my mind whirring away at me. So, I’m going out (but eventually into a house) and I’m going to enjoy an evening without reservations and without regrets. Therapeutic pizza-baking can only take one so far, you know.
At least, that’s how I hope the evening is going to play out. I’m just so bogged down with new and controversial ideas. I need to shake it off. It’s not that I mind thinking: I certainly don’t. But when it’s constant and unrelenting and heavy, that’s when I start to think I need a distraction.
Here’s to getting my mind off of things. Cheers.
Yea, tho’ I walk through the hallway of the crapload of Regents
27 January 2009, 2:54 pm
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"day of smiles",
1/27/09,
2009,
7:10,
again,
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yesterday1/27/09 7:10 AM The Car
I am not feeling too hot right now. My stomach is still unsettled (although not NEARLY to the extent it was yesterday). I’m on my way to take the Math B Regents for the fourth time. I have never failed it– I just have yet to get the score I want on it, and it’s the one exam I don’t mind taking again.
I had a Kashi granola bar and a cup of coffee for breakfast. And now I really don’t feel so great. Oh, uhg. I thought it was better than eating nothing! which is what I wanted to do.
I just want to go home and head back to bed. I never don’t usually want this… but today it sounds perfect. Heavenly, in fact.
Alright, time to go. Here’s the school.
Oh; but my mom and sister are talking about the dentist, which reminds me– I had a dream last night that I was at school and there was a smiley poster for free dental care for one day only– the “Day of Smiles.” Strange!
And, I guess
26 January 2009, 11:13 pm
Filed under:
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after,
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Writing,
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wrongI suppose it was just a speculation of mine. You know, a thought. A random inconvenient fantastical idea, that floated in from nowhere. I wouldn’t sound so dramatic, but I’m practicing my writing for the stupid English Regents tomorrow.
But simply put, that means: I guess I just got my hopes up.
It wasn’t a big deal, realizing that, oh-hey, there goes a possibiolity of a fun time. Of course, nothing is really a big deal when it comes to me and guys. I don’t have big deals, or drama. I don’t get upset. It’s “whatever” and “it doesn’t matter” and “who will I take an interest in next?”
Right. Okay, so, who will it be.
I don’t want to think about that right now. I don’t really want to dwell on my failure as a girl, my failure at attractiveness, at witty repartee. I don’t ever like to sit and nurse a wound that will heal easily and soon.
But I don’t want to fail to notice my own sad attempts at femininity. The long blonde hair really does nothing for me, nor do the blue eyes, obscenely long lashes, curvy frame or even smile. Maybe it’s the laugh that turns them off, maybe my cheerfulness is just too obnoxious to behold for any length of time. Maybe the flirting was just that.
Sure. I can deal with that. I won’t think any more on the fact that I’m completely undesirable, too outspoken for my own good, and when the time is right to comment, I refrain. I refuse to pause any longer over my inadequacies as a determined but unsuccessful interested party.
So what if my laugh is too loud, my comments too sharp? So what if I say the wrong thing once or twice, or I’m less appealing than she is?
If I’m too big, I’m too big.
If I’m too smart, I’m too smart.
If I’m only a focus of amusement and flirtation, then I’d do better to focus my own attentions elsewhere.
But this could have been my chance. I let myself believe that, hey, this could be the rebound I’ve been searching for. The connection that pulled me out of ex-infested waters and into a lifeboat built with lighthearted gaiety and a less depressing spirit.
But it’s no big deal. I’ll get over it.
If I’m too romantic and hopeful, I’ve just got to suck it up.
Kick Drum Heart 